I am feeling like I am incapable of meeting everyone’s needs. I think that is the force that truly drives me in life – that I feel as if I have to make sure everyone is happy & taken care of, always. This is not a healthy “need”. It is not even possible! Yet, when anyone is upset, I blame myself. Brian got upset about something not even related to me a little while ago, & in my head, I immediately go to “He must be upset, because of something to do with me.”
Ciara is having a bad day? Oh, that is totally my fault, for not being a good enough mother.
I know those are not rational thoughts, yet I still think that & feel the emotions related to the guilt of making everyone unhappy.
What I find interesting is that I just realized that I do this. Are my thoughts & emotions so jumbled that I cannot even see what is wrong with them? How do I take time to sort these kinds of things out? Where do I start?
Mood: Pretty sad & lonely
