I am going to keep a list of goals going.
One that I have been thinking of, but putting off for this reason or that is to start reading regularly again. For fun! None of this reading to learn crap. I keep finding reasons to not read, & I know that I feel so much better when I have taken time out to just dig into a good book. So, I just put Mrs. Dalloway on hold. I love Virginia Woolf. I could sit & read her diaries for hours. Just her life, the way she wrote.
I also want to start keeping better track of my health. I have so much that I feel I need to do, that I am getting overwhelmed. Change my diet, my sleep, my everything. Just totally CHANGE. Yet, I resist change. It is not me. So, this is hard. I like the old, comfort of things that I know. I get nervous in new places. New people scare me. But you know, that is never going to get me any where, now is it?
Another goal of mine is to limit my goals. Ha. I have so much that I hope for, that I end of not accomplishing anything in the mean time. Then I just see myself as a failure, instead of all that I have done. One by one, it will get done. I have changed, but I guess it has been so little over such a long time, that it does not seem as if anything has moved.
I honestly feel at times that I am some how trapped in this place, just waiting for something, waiting & waiting, for what? I do not have the answers, so I just sit & bide my time. It is like an itch that I cannot scratch, because I have no idea how to. I do not know where to start, because I do not know what is missing. I look at it all, & it looks whole. It looks right. But it doesn’t FEEL right. I feel unsatisfied with myself, who I try to be, & how I fail.
It is not everything else.
It is me.
I found this great set of pictures on Flickr. Such back-story to each picture is amazing to me. I love history.
Music: More Tori! Listening to “Carbon” on repeat.
Feeling: Kinda tired.
