I am feeling like I am incapable of meeting everyone’s needs. I think that is the force that truly drives me in life – that I feel as if I have to make sure everyone is happy & taken care of, always. This is not a healthy “need”. It is not even possible! Yet, when anyone is upset, I blame myself. Brian got upset about something not even related to me a little while ago, & in my head, I immediately go to “He must be upset, because of something to do with me.”
Ciara is having a bad day? Oh, that is totally my fault, for not being a good enough mother.
I know those are not rational thoughts, yet I still think that & feel the emotions related to the guilt of making everyone unhappy.
What I find interesting is that I just realized that I do this. Are my thoughts & emotions so jumbled that I cannot even see what is wrong with them? How do I take time to sort these kinds of things out? Where do I start?
Mood: Pretty sad & lonely
November 16, 2008 at 9:42 am
:( I think a lot of people are guilty of doing this. I also believe it’s a hard habit to break since no one is happy all of the time.
I also can understand the last paragraph because it starts off with you wanting to take care of other people and wanting to make them better. It’s easy to go too far and blame yourself for stuff you have no control of.
Nicole, you’re a pretty amazing and caring mother, sister, wife and I just wanted to remind you of that.
November 17, 2008 at 9:25 pm
Thank you, Sara :) It is nice to be reminded. You’re a great sister, too.
November 19, 2008 at 4:50 am
You should read “How to See Yourself As You Really Are” :)
You are not the cause of the world’s suffering, or other people’s pain. You are not the center of things, or the single cause of anything. Every little thing depends on so many factors… Tell your ego to STFU :D
November 19, 2008 at 5:12 am
You are so right, Bean.
I will get that book.
Hm.